Hope everyone had a great Christmas! Mine was great, especially since I got everything that I wanted. Today I thought I would talk a little bit about time healing all wounds. Here is a personal story:
Many years ago I had the best friend anyone could ask for. She and I were super close and would do practically anything for each other. We became a part of each others families and were more like sisters than friends. About 5 years into our friendship, things began to change and by the time we were both 25 or so, we had a major disagreement and we fell out of friendship. I was mad at her and she was mad with me…we walked away from the friendship with no looking back. A few years after our friendship dissolved, I decided to reach out to her and offer my apologies for my part in destroying our friendship…she declined and was totally cold toward me. This made me even more angry and I was hurt deeply…and at this point I said to hell with it. That was 10 years ago.
Back in August of this year, we connected on Facebook haphazardly (we have mutual friends) and she initiated small talk. We chatted like this off and on for the last few months. Never mentioning the past or any of the things that had happened and on last Thursday I get a Facebook message from her asking if I could meet with her to talk since she would be in town. I have to be honest and say that I was hesitant to meet her, but after thinking about it, I agreed to the meeting. All I could think of leading up to she and I meeting was what in God’s name did we have to talk about? 10 years ago we became disjointed so talking would probably be the most awkward thing in the world and I surely didnt want to be rehashing the past at all. Fast forward to Sunday (Christmas Day) I meet up with her, we exchange a cordial hug and the first thing out of her mouth was that she was totally sorry for being such a jerk. WTF! are you serious…I really could not believe what I was hearing. Basically she confessed that she was angry hurt and self-righteous and she refused to deal with her own feelings and actions and projected everything as being my fault, simply because it was the easy thing to do. She admitted that with time she has been able to deal with personal issues that caused her to act the way she did and in doing so, it became clear that our friendship was/has been the most authentic relationship that she has ever had. Listening to her talk I was flabbergasted. The conversation ends with us both apologizing for the last time and catching up on the last 10 years. How’s that for a Christmas present.
So does time heal all wounds? I cant say that it does. Time is a catalyst for dealing with issues that hinder wounds from healing. Healing is an active process, not a passive one. If we have a cut and do nothing to clean it out, it will probably form a scab. It might take longer and it might develop an infection, but the wound will most likely close and leave a scar. I was hurt for years about this issue, but I let the scab cover the pain and never dealt with the underlying hurt. Healing does not just happen…we must participate in the process of our healing whether emotional or physical. Healing is a gift that we give to ourselves the moment we decide to stay open to that which has broken us.
So time does not heal, but healing does take time. Give yourself the gift of time. In order to become whole again you must be open to the pain of what caused the wound in the first place.
