Confusion

I don’t know who I am

…really I don’t.

I want you to like me, so I conform to who and what you are

I want to be included, so I act like I enjoy what you enjoy.

A contortionist of sorts, bending and stretching to reach your unspoken expectations

You’ve never asked me to do any of this, but I do it because…well frankly I don’t know why I do it.

My lack of knowledge confuses and hurts: you and you and all of them too.

Then they are all

Angry and hurt,

Because I’m clueless to my existence—lost in my own world of confusion

Who am I?

Aquarius.Soul © 2012

Prisoner of Hope

Ever make a huge mistake and the moment the words escape your lips you know that you have fucked up majorly? Yeah, me too.

Hurt. Pain. Lament. Disgust.Indifference.Tears.Fears.Anger….all these emotions flood the soul, oftentimes paralyzing the heart. Sometimes things can be rectified and sometimes they never will be.

I HOPE…….

Unsettled

I love her, more than she will ever know.

I have attempted to express my love from day one…

I have not been perfect, but we worked at it and bounced back strong.

We have been a team and a force to be reckoned with.

I decided we needed a break, she didn’t understand my rationale, but she agreed to it for me.

For the last 6 years she has always done everything for me-even before thinking of herself.

How could I need a break from the only person I trust my life to?

It’s hard for me…Its hard for her. The pain and confusion I see in her face is a result of my request.

It hurts my soul to see her like this; to see us like this. Disconnected from each other.

I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision.

Dark

Mentally spent…yet pushing forward anticipating change.

Holding back various percentages of who I am…adding and subtracting as needed.

What’s left fluctuates from minute to minute, leaving me dangling and unsure.

Life has tortured me from day one, but I remain; despite the unhealed wounds that penetrate my flesh.

Sudden tears, bursts of strength, mental, physical and spiritual weaknesses loom overhead.

What’s left to give?